The NEW Storybook
4 posters
Page 1 of 4
Page 1 of 4 • 1, 2, 3, 4
The NEW Storybook
This is pretty much where we're going to write our story as soon as we are done discussing everything that needs to be discussed. In other words, this is where the action happens.
Maledicus- Admin
- Posts : 116
Join date : 2009-04-04
Age : 36
Location : Mannheim, Germany
Re: The NEW Storybook
Great start!
I know it's not needed fer the entry, but ye've not given the time of year - can we make it early-mid Spring? What I'm writing depends on there having been a tough winter.
Also, Jarvis obviously knows Ralkin. Please, can we make it that nobody else knows of him OR of his involvement until he joins up with the group. Note that I have left it open. Your characters may know Ralkin, or know of him, but not know of his involvement
I know it's not needed fer the entry, but ye've not given the time of year - can we make it early-mid Spring? What I'm writing depends on there having been a tough winter.
Also, Jarvis obviously knows Ralkin. Please, can we make it that nobody else knows of him OR of his involvement until he joins up with the group. Note that I have left it open. Your characters may know Ralkin, or know of him, but not know of his involvement
Re: The NEW Storybook
That was fun. I was going to leave it longer, but I thought I had better get Ralkin in there, even if it was right at the end!
Re: The NEW Storybook
Nicely done. Already 've got me wondering where this is going. Also, keeping Ralkin as someone new to the group...or at least someone that was not obviously involved makes for some interesting plot points.
Ob Thundersnot- Posts : 150
Join date : 2009-04-05
Age : 53
Location : Greendale, Wisconsin, USA
Re: The NEW Storybook
By the way, just to make it clear, Ralkin will be a last-minute entrance to the group. Moaning as usual... lol
Re: The NEW Storybook
Ok...Zaranda's opening scene is nearly done. If someone else wants to go before me, that's fine. I'll wait and post after. Otherwise, I can post hers right away since it doesn't involve anyone else.
Ob Thundersnot- Posts : 150
Join date : 2009-04-05
Age : 53
Location : Greendale, Wisconsin, USA
Re: The NEW Storybook
Another storming entry there. Welcome, Mnes, to the production line!
That was a different pacing to what I'm used to - a sort of urgent, staccato pace, making Jarvis to be on edge as he acted and looked about him.
That was a different pacing to what I'm used to - a sort of urgent, staccato pace, making Jarvis to be on edge as he acted and looked about him.
Re: The NEW Storybook
As always, nice detail Mnes! Looks like 'ol Jarvis has quite a dilemma on his hands.
Ob Thundersnot- Posts : 150
Join date : 2009-04-05
Age : 53
Location : Greendale, Wisconsin, USA
Re: The NEW Storybook
Thank you! ^_^
Who's writing the next one, by the way?
Who's writing the next one, by the way?
mnesomeye- Posts : 89
Join date : 2009-04-19
Age : 31
Location : Ile De Papillon.
Re: The NEW Storybook
I'll have a go. Could be interesting, trying to keep the pace from shifting too radically, despite a complete change of scene and character(s).
Give me a day or two, yeah?
Give me a day or two, yeah?
Re: The NEW Storybook
Sounds good, Spike. Been waitin' to see what Ralkin's going to do next.
Ob Thundersnot- Posts : 150
Join date : 2009-04-05
Age : 53
Location : Greendale, Wisconsin, USA
Re: The NEW Storybook
Done and dusted.
Two things to note, however:
I have had to alter the mechanism by which Ralkin's portal stone work. They now work by tapping onto something, as opposed to merely touching flesh. However, that something could still be another person/creature, so the defensive aspect of the staff's portal stone still works - what do ye think's going to happen when a portal is opened on a living thing? It's either going to be messy or portally. Maybe both.
The other thing is to say that Ralkin isn't portalling into the action here. I don't want the wolf to be involved in that side of it. Nor do I want it dead, so if anyone writes it, please remember that.
Oh yeah - I don't know if you noticed what I did with the title of each of my sections. Rather than have the 'meanwhile' bit in the body of the text I thought it best to go in the topic part. Mind you, the only way I've found to get that so far is to go back in and use the edit function (the scissors icon)
Two things to note, however:
I have had to alter the mechanism by which Ralkin's portal stone work. They now work by tapping onto something, as opposed to merely touching flesh. However, that something could still be another person/creature, so the defensive aspect of the staff's portal stone still works - what do ye think's going to happen when a portal is opened on a living thing? It's either going to be messy or portally. Maybe both.
The other thing is to say that Ralkin isn't portalling into the action here. I don't want the wolf to be involved in that side of it. Nor do I want it dead, so if anyone writes it, please remember that.
Oh yeah - I don't know if you noticed what I did with the title of each of my sections. Rather than have the 'meanwhile' bit in the body of the text I thought it best to go in the topic part. Mind you, the only way I've found to get that so far is to go back in and use the edit function (the scissors icon)
Re: The NEW Storybook
If you don't use quick reply, you can do that without the edit function. So just press the "post reply" button, right next to "new topic".
Maledicus- Admin
- Posts : 116
Join date : 2009-04-04
Age : 36
Location : Mannheim, Germany
Re: The NEW Storybook
"the defensive aspect of the staff's portal stone still works - what do ye think's going to happen when a portal is opened on a living thing? It's either going to be messy or portally. Maybe both."
Nice...messy and portally. Where perhaps only part of a person gets portalled? Uggh.
Good to see wolfie and Ralkin getting along rather well. I'm working on the next Zaranda segment, but not sure when I'll be finished. If anyone else wants to go ahead with a different segment, go right ahead (especially if it is to kick off Aran or Savv's adventures).
Nice...messy and portally. Where perhaps only part of a person gets portalled? Uggh.
Good to see wolfie and Ralkin getting along rather well. I'm working on the next Zaranda segment, but not sure when I'll be finished. If anyone else wants to go ahead with a different segment, go right ahead (especially if it is to kick off Aran or Savv's adventures).
Ob Thundersnot- Posts : 150
Join date : 2009-04-05
Age : 53
Location : Greendale, Wisconsin, USA
Re: The NEW Storybook
Ok, colour me confused.
In the cottage garden, I thought they may have been good guys.
Then I read the ending and they suddenly don't seem so nice.
Oswald definitely seems like someone to be wary of.
In the cottage garden, I thought they may have been good guys.
Then I read the ending and they suddenly don't seem so nice.
Oswald definitely seems like someone to be wary of.
Re: The NEW Storybook
I left it up to the reader to guess what the intentions are of the group that is pursuing Zaranda might be instead of making it 100% clear by the end of the segment. I have some ideas on what they might be, but the nature of this storybook is this can go whatever way any of us choose. Whoever wants to tackle Zaranda's next segment gets a chance to expand on who these guys are...or make them even more mysterious, I suppose.
Ob Thundersnot- Posts : 150
Join date : 2009-04-05
Age : 53
Location : Greendale, Wisconsin, USA
Re: The NEW Storybook
Just read the last two entires - scary scary! So much action going on... I wonder how everyone's going to meet up? Oh, and by the way - Savv will only appear once a certain set of criteria have been fulfilled. *smirk* That'll keep ya guessing!
And - the wolf rocks. Is he Ralkin's new pet, now?
EDIT: Having a total writer's block. I'll come back tomorrow and see if I can do any better...
And - the wolf rocks. Is he Ralkin's new pet, now?
EDIT: Having a total writer's block. I'll come back tomorrow and see if I can do any better...
mnesomeye- Posts : 89
Join date : 2009-04-19
Age : 31
Location : Ile De Papillon.
Re: The NEW Storybook
Pet? A wolf??
Wolves tolerate humans, generally. This one is a little different, but is most definitely not a pet.
Wolves tolerate humans, generally. This one is a little different, but is most definitely not a pet.
Re: The NEW Storybook
Mal, that's one hell of an entry. I like the way you had the same situation being seen from two perspectives.
That ending creeped me out a little. There's obviously history behind that little bit, and I'm not sure whether it's left him a little broken-minded...
(I could check his profile, but I don't want to spoil the surprise)
That ending creeped me out a little. There's obviously history behind that little bit, and I'm not sure whether it's left him a little broken-minded...
(I could check his profile, but I don't want to spoil the surprise)
Re: The NEW Storybook
Like there's anything about it in his profile! I've got some idea about what happened to him, but I like to keep stuff open and mysterious...
Maledicus- Admin
- Posts : 116
Join date : 2009-04-04
Age : 36
Location : Mannheim, Germany
Re: The NEW Storybook
Yes, Aran makes an appearance! Nice work, Mal. I liked Jarvis and Aran's hesitation. Creates some good tension when reading it.
Ob Thundersnot- Posts : 150
Join date : 2009-04-05
Age : 53
Location : Greendale, Wisconsin, USA
Re: The NEW Storybook
Ok....new Jarvis segment is up. Aran is there, but did not do the two POVs as Mal had done previously, just Jarvis...and the new guy. Introduced a short-lived or possibly recurring character. DEFINITELY not a main character. I mainly wanted to add an acquaintance of Jarvis' that is outside of theif-takers group.
I nearly did a Ralkin segment this time, but wanted to add some Jarvis elements that I contemplated adding in the opening scene.
I nearly did a Ralkin segment this time, but wanted to add some Jarvis elements that I contemplated adding in the opening scene.
Ob Thundersnot- Posts : 150
Join date : 2009-04-05
Age : 53
Location : Greendale, Wisconsin, USA
Re: The NEW Storybook
That was a very varied approach to that segment. I'm going to have to read it more properly once my head clears, but I liked it a lot.
I'm glad you didn't do owt with Ralkin, as I wanted to take care of the wolf before Ralkin gets dragged into this (and dragged, he will be.)
I'm glad you didn't do owt with Ralkin, as I wanted to take care of the wolf before Ralkin gets dragged into this (and dragged, he will be.)
Re: The NEW Storybook
Yeah, it was a varied approach. That first part...not sure exactly what to call it, but it's like hyper-first person, where you are pretty much implanted into the character's head without narration...just raw thoughts, etc. Too much of that, and things get confusing, I think.
Ob Thundersnot- Posts : 150
Join date : 2009-04-05
Age : 53
Location : Greendale, Wisconsin, USA
Page 1 of 4 • 1, 2, 3, 4
Page 1 of 4
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
|
|